- 10
- Feb
So, earlier this year I posted about Kate’s struggle with education and school. The recap of that post would be that she hates PE because you get hot and sweaty, and she doesn’t like when school is “hard” or when she has to “try”.
I had both a comment here and an email from someone else that made it obvious that not every person agreed with my parenting style and decisions regarding Kate’s educational challenges. Which is, of course, fine. But I was confident that she needed to stay in school, so it was not really a question for me.
But, I do want to give an update about where we’re at now. She is still in school, of course.
Kate’s attitude about school has improved *so* much this year. She now says she loves recess, art, Bible, and music. She says the hardest thing at school is homework (I’ll save my rant on kindergarten homework for another day, but I know the reasons it is given here- the school has to please both western parents who are saying no homework and Asian parents who are demanding requesting 5 hours of homework, so one page a night in kindergarten is the middle ground compromise). She still doesn’t love PE. And given her athletic genes (ha ha ha) and her balance struggles, that is completely understandable. And she may never love PE- I know I never did!!! And I don’t have any false expectations of that- she can hate PE for 13 years if she needs to- but I do think it is important even if we hate it!
But the part that makes me happy is the progress she has made. Not just educationally, although she is thrilled that she can read now! Now, she’s not reading chapter books or anything- but c’mon she’s 5 1/2 years old! I know that this reading breakthrough has made a huge difference for her happiness at school. She’s struggled a lot with spatial things like writing things mirror perfect backwards and reading backwards… so I know it has felt more like a challenge than fun a lot of the time. It can also be hard when your classmates are all in hagwon (extra evening academy) and are a couple grade levels ahead in every subject because of over-education! Oh sorry, is my opinion on having your 5 year old in 4 hours of evening classes showing? Sorry about that!
The biggest change, I think, has to do with the quality of her friendships at school. This is NOT a toot-my-horn session so please don’t read anything into this. In the past, Kate has had decent friends at school but she wasn’t “close” to any of them. Her class has all non-native-English speaking girls- mostly Korean girls + one from Taiwan. The Korean girls all live in the same apartment complex and play together after school and go to hagwon together. Their moms are close friends and they all hang out a lot. It has been hard for Kate to break into this group. Kate is extremely easygoing about lots of things and would just keep trying to be their friend regardless, but it was a challenge.
This year, I made it my goal to break into that group. We started attending Korean church on Sundays instead of the international fellowship. We don’t understand the sermons very often, but we get the gist and we follow along with the scripture. We know some of the songs (although we know the English versions). It isn’t the perfect fit for us, but it works. I started inviting some of the moms from her class over for coffee. And some of those moms attend the Korean church we attend.
Kate is finally making closer friends. I still don’t think it is easy for her because she has to work twice as hard to maintain those friendships. It isn’t that the other girls are mean or anything like that- but it is easier to be friends with kids who speak your native language- and that makes sense.
But I’m so happy to see the fruits of this effort finally coming out. We’ve gone to a couple different friends’ houses, had playdates, had them over… Kate even spent the night at a friend’s house in December. Every Sunday, she goes to Sunday school with 3 of her school classmates. They translate for her and sit with her.
At Korean church, you eat lunch at church after the service. The meal is provided for you by the church. So each week we share lunch with a couple families. It has been so good for helping us understand Korean culture and helping us all develop those deeper friendships. Keith even has a dad (of one of his students) who wants him to teach him golf at the local indoor simulated screen golf place.
The unexpected blessings are nice too. Two of Kate’s classmates’ moms came over and translated for me with my neighbor last week- we shared lunch and coffee and they helped me get to know my new neighbor a bit better.
And some of my students and Keith’s students attend this church and have commented that they appreciate the effort we are making to understand and appreciate their culture. We are definitely the only non-Korean family attending this church! And I think this shows these families that we’re willing to take that step, and they respect and it and appreciate it and in response they include us in things that we might otherwise not be a part of.
Living overseas means we have to take that extra cultural step toward community and understanding. And I’m so happy that it is paying off with Kate’s increased school happiness and confidence. I don’t know if we will stay at this church forever. But it has helped for today, for now, for this year.
Eliza’s grade level has a ton of western, native English speaking girls and it has been so easy for her to make friends. She’s had friends over a lot because they lived in our apartment complex. She has best friends that she runs around with, skipping and holding hands… and Kate has often been that third wheel, the younger sister tagging along.
Last week, we were at a Japanese restaurant with one of Kate’s friends and her parents. After the meal, Kate and YouNa were walking to the escalator holding hands, twirling, and giggling. It was the evidence I needed that this has all been worth it.
So yeah, Kate’s still in school. And liking it a lot more.
February 10th, 2010 at 10:41 am
Go Kate! I am happy for her and you! Life is about overcoming and perseverance and I think this is something we can teach kiddos from the day they are born. My daughter has a dislike for PE, too. I have had a “suck it up” talk before about how not everything in life is going to be a day at Disney World. Oh, yeah, I WISH it were, but some days, you gotta jump-rope…even if it’s not your favorite thing to do!
*Note: I don’t necessarily jump-rope ever anymore…but I put in my 13 years of PE!
February 10th, 2010 at 11:07 am
It’s hard enough dealing with US schools as an American, I can’t even begin to imagine the cultural challenge you and the girls are having to overcome. Even though you describe them in your blog, it’s probably not anywhere close to your reality. KWIM?
Congrats to the girls, and the new apartment looks lovely!
February 10th, 2010 at 11:48 am
You are a beautiful mom who loves her children and wants the best for them always. Blessings to you all as you continue this adventure together. I believe the only real mistake you can make as a parent is not letting your children know how much they are loved and appreciated for who they are and not what others want them to be. Your pictures of the girls always shine with the beauty and love you all share. Reading, PE, math, etc. etc. etc. are really secondary to a Father’s love and a mother and father’s acceptance and joy in their children. You and Keith are doing a great job with Eliza and Kate!
February 10th, 2010 at 1:05 pm
Great inspirational post. Thanks for a realistic but positive look at life oversees doing the work you were called to do. I find myself talking about you in my conversations with Dad and am thrilled to here the good report.
February 10th, 2010 at 5:21 pm
Schools here in N Ireland seem to be BIG advocates of homework 4 nights a week, right from the start, however it was very different at the school my eldest attended when we lived in England.
So glad things are going well for Kate, due I am sure to Dad, but also the effort your family is making to intregate with the Korean church.
February 11th, 2010 at 1:33 am
I think that all of our children at one time or another will have a struggle with school. I just think that some kids are more vocal about it. Shame on you for keeping her in school wink :-} I admire your strength and courage as you face the challenges of being an expat. I thought we had it hard while in the UK…sad I know.
February 11th, 2010 at 2:24 am
That is so good to hear!
February 11th, 2010 at 2:34 am
We experienced that on a MUCH smaller scale in N. California. The area we lived in (East Bay) was 43% Asian and only 18-20% white. We were definitely minorities. Matthew was the only non-Asian child in his preschool class and only one of 5-8 non-Asians in his age level. All the other children spoke Chinese and many didn’t even know English yet, making it VERY hard for him to make friends. John had the same challenge when he was in preschool, except that he had a best friend in his class which made it easier for him. Matthew often found himself as the 5th wheel to big brother as well. As hard as it was to watch them get left out occasionally and not have the same type of “friendship experiences” that I remember from my youth, I think they learned a lot about character building, even if on a subconscious level. They learned how to be assertive and confident as well. It gave them good foundational skills for friendship building now that we are back in Texas where that is much easier and they are no longer minorities. I applaud your wisdom in helping navigate Kate through this season of her young life. She is surely building character strengths that she will carry into her adult life. =)
February 11th, 2010 at 9:20 am
Great message Kimberly….
February 11th, 2010 at 9:36 pm
Quick question–why are there so many Korean people in Tianjin? Are they north koreans? Always wondered that…
Great post, BTW. It’s hard when our kids struggle!
February 12th, 2010 at 1:21 pm
I admire your willingness to give of yourself to help Kate on her school journey. I think that is what parenting is all about and you are a wonderful example.
We could go on for hours about the homework thing. It’s a shame what is being done to our kids in the name of education.
February 12th, 2010 at 8:02 pm
What a heartwarming post. Such a thoughtful mom to help out Kate. And yes I agree no homework in kindergarten. But I didn’t get my way on that either.
February 12th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
Kudos to you and Keith to being open to a creative and enriching solution for all of you. What a wonderful childhood you are giving your children.
February 13th, 2010 at 4:52 am
Your kids are SO lucky to call you their Mom! You’re awesome Kimberly!
February 16th, 2010 at 12:20 pm
So glad to hear Kate is making such progress in her educational experience. You and Keith are such exceptional parents…always striving to do what’s best for your family.
February 17th, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Claps and cheers to you for the “extra cultural step.” Our school has many of the same struggles. Fortunately before we moved to China, we spent several years working in a Korean environment and grew to love and appreciate Korean culture. Our high school age dd has adapted beautifully to this environment. I love that you attend the Korean church. There is so much to learn from our Korean brothers and sisters.
To the post with the question about Korean’s being in Tianjin or other Chinese students, most are here for economic reasons-they are here with their companies. There are refugees from N. Korea but most are hidden and wouldn’t have their children at an international school, as they are here “illegally.”
February 17th, 2010 at 3:38 pm
Sorry, I always forget to post my responses to people here- I usually just email them!
Katy- most of the Koreans here (99%) are South Korean. The reason there are so many here is that it is the closest physical country and many South Korean companies have factories here (cheaper labor). Most of our direct school interaction is with South Koreans because our school can only have non-Chinese-passport-holders by law, and the vast majority of non-Chinese are African college students and South Korean business/management people.
The biggest companies represented in our school are LG & Samsung. They have both their mobile phone operations here and other things- textiles, computers, tvs, etc…
March 6th, 2010 at 9:01 am
I’ll talk about my happiness in finding your active Blog later!!! But - here I just have to say - you go girl! I HATE making the effort to fit into one of my sons friends group (ya know what I mean) - I’m the worse about making the type of effort you did for Kate.
I know - you weren’t tooting you horn - but you are a wonderful mother!