Okay, I’ve had several questions and comments about *why* isn’t it rude to discuss fat here.
I don’t claim to be an expert on the Chinese culture and I want to be upfront about that. But this is my understanding.
If you have brown hair, this is an okay thing to discuss right? This is a visible thing anyone can see when they look at you and it is factual. It would be perfectly fine for someone to walk up to you and say “You have brown hair!” Perhaps odd because you might say “Um, okay, yes, I have brown hair. Yay for me??” It isn’t something we would shout at people, but if it came up in conversation, we would happily discuss our hair color or eye color.
It is my understanding that our fatness or lack of fatness is the same way here. It is something people can see, and it is obvious. (And I hate to mention it, but just because people don’t discuss your fat with you doesn’t mean you aren’t fat, it just means you aren’t talking about it, right?) This also applies to being short/tall/thin (although I’ve never heard someone talk about thin-ness, but this might be due to my inherent un-thin-ness, haha).
Here, from what I understand, because there is not the same cultural baggage attached to fat- shame/guilt/taboo- and because it is (let’s be honest here!) highly visible to all who see you… it is just another fact of your physical person.
And no, it isn’t like in some parts of the world, where it is a compliment. There are as many diet products on the market here as there are in the west. It isn’t a glorification of fat.
This has been one of my bigger challenges in accepting the Chinese culture. It still grates on my nerves on the wrong day, but on the right day, it doesn’t even hit my radar. The Chinese culture was not created to be “comfortable for Kimberly”. It was created by the Chinese, for the Chinese, and I’ve thrust my Western self into it, and I can’t expect it to always be a little bubble bath of love. Sometimes, the Chinese reality and the Western reality are going to rub up against each other and cause some friction.
The biggest breakthrough (for me) in this, has been realizing that there are 3 classes of topics in every culture- those which are okay to discuss, those which are “iffy” and are discussed with only select people, and those which are not okay to discuss at all. For whatever reason, fatness is in the “okay to discuss” category here. Income most definitely also is in that category. If you made out a list of what things in the US & in China fall in each of those categories, I’m sure there would be some major differences in several areas.
At the markets, it does absolutely drive me insane that the vendors shout out “FAT CLOTHES HERE!” “HEY lady! I have very very very very very fat clothes for you!” “I give you special price, fat lady! I have fat clothes for you, fat friend!” etc… However, I was talking to Keith about this. Due to the lack of bigger sizes of clothing here, it *is* helpful to know if a vendor does have larger sizes of clothes. What *would* be an appropriate way for them to let people know they have bigger clothes? A little sign in the store saying “We carry larger sizes”? Would this be enough to draw our attention in a busy market? I don’t know if there is an easy answer to that, but it is something to think about!
It also bothers me when I am shopping and the vendor will pull out the most shapeless, tentlike item and hold it up and say “Big for you!” or something. Usually, whatever they pull out is at least 6 or 7 sizes too big for me- to appease one vendor I actually tried on a pair of these token “fat” pants and I kid you not, our whole family could have climbed inside them.
But if I really think about it, that vendor also probably knew I was digging through a pile of size 2 sweaters and the article they are holding up to me might be the only “big” thing they have for sale. So they are holding it up because they don’t want me to dig through stuff for no reason- they are saving me time and trying to help me.
When I buy anything for Keith, I always have to discuss how tall he is and how I really need to get something tall enough for him. They always ask me if he is only tall or tall AND fat. And really, isn’t that a good thing to ask? Wouldn’t I be upset if I got home with something that wouldn’t fit him? And yeah, maybe there is a more soul-soothing way to ask that, but given my limited language skills, at least I *know* the word for fat and understand them!
One thing I do think is helpful is that with the Olympics coming, there is a certain level of understanding from people that they want to know how to treat westerners who are in town for the Olympic events. The foot massage place I go to is very close to the venue that will host some Olympic soccer games. So when the whole fat/weight discussion was happening there, I said “You know, in the west, we usually don’t talk about our weight and whether or not someone is fat” The masseuse responded “Yes, my boss said we shouldn’t talk to foreigners about fat or income because foreigners don’t like that.” She also explained that she was embarrassed when she realized I could understand Chinese and knew she was asking my friend about my fat/weight.
Then, in act that was completely priceless, she says “Our boss says we should only tell foreigners they are healthy!” and then she reaches over and gives a hearty pat to each of my thighs and says “You are very healthy!” Ah yes, point taken. Perhaps the words themselves aren’t the issue, are they?
So, in conclusion, I don’t have any complete one-size-fits-all answer for why it is okay, I just know that it is okay culturally here and this is my deductions of “why” but I’m not 100% sure of the accuracy. The one thing I’ve learned about living here is that everything you think you know about the Chinese goes out the window when you get here and the more you learn the more you realize you don’t understand.
Until next time…
