Do you put up walls?

I do.

If you could see the walls in my heart they might look a little like this:

Walls of excuses– We’re just so busy.  We’d love to (insert social activity here) but we have something that night.   I need to work.

Excuses.  And yeah, I am busy.  And yeah, I need to work.  But mostly, mostly I’m just scared.

Because I don’t trust anymore.

And over time, that emotional wall- instead of crumbling and breaking down- got thicker, stronger, and more resilient.

I told God I just needed closure.  And when I got closure, I’d start praying more.  I’d be more social.  I’d pursue friendships in the church again.

And closure hasn’t come.   And the hurt nags.  And I walk further from God because it is too painful to work through it all.

And then I get angry because I feel like I deserve closure.

But what if the closure never comes?  Am I willing to waste the hope, the promise of what could be…

Am I willing to sacrifice the friendships I could have if I am willing to let it go… to let go of the past?

Maybe closure comes in opening a new door.  Maybe closure isn’t something concrete, and by moving forward, I can step so far away from the past that it doesn’t haunt me anymore.

So I’m letting go of my need for closure.  I still want it.  But I have to make this conscious choice to let go.  Because I have a feeling that the rewards will be worth it.

A couple weeks ago, I posted this on Facebook.

I commented how Kate scares me a bit with her flipping on the bars.

And less than 2 hours later, Kate came crashing down (onto a gymnastics mat, but still… crashing down) onto her left arm.  The one she writes with, eats with, does everything with.  Broken left radius at both the wrist and elbow ends.

It was kind of eerie watching that play out…

Thankfully we’re down to only 6 days left of the cast.  She has a dance recital at the end of May for both tumbling and ballet.  Hopefully she’ll be able to get her arm strength back in time.  If not, well, she’s already been doing one-handed cartwheels on the other arm.  She’s learned to write with her right hand.

So yeah, hindsight is 20/20, but we can make lemonade out of our lemons anyway.   (Nice!  Mixed cliché metaphor!)

I was reading something recently about making sure we allow our kids to learn how to deal with irritating people.

Snotty brats, stuck-up princesses, and egotistical annoyances are reality.  It isn’t easy to learn how to deal with the people who get under your skin, like a gritty piece of sand in your shoes after a day at the beach or a popcorn kernel stuck in your teeth.

For me, as an adult, I have a tendency to just avoid those irritating people.  I have a hard time really loving them.  I have a hard time befriending them.  I have a hard time not talking about them behind their back.   I’m just telling Keith.  It doesn’t count as gossip or slander.  It’s just Emily (my sister).  It doesn’t really count as talking behind their back if I tell Emily.  I have to get it off my chest or I’ll explode.

I think it is part of my job as a mom to help my kids learn how to deal with the sandpaper of life.  The person who is both easily offended and yet often offensive?  The one who can twist every word you say into something completely inaccurate and then uses the twisted words against you?  The person who just plain doesn’t listen?  The one who insists they are right even when they are completely wrong?

But we can’t always just avoid people that irritate us.  I’m thinking back to a situation where I was suddenly placed in the same working department with someone I could not stand- I’ll call her Amy. Every word out of her mouth was like nails on a chalkboard.  Amy was blunt.  Amy didn’t care if what she said hurt your feelings.  She was offended by everything anyone else said.  And sometimes, when I looked at her, I saw pieces of me.  And I think that was what bothered me the most.  Am I like that? Do I make people want to throw themselves out the window just to end the conversation?  How can I avoid turning into Amy?

How can I, as a mom, teach my kids to deal with difficult people?   I teach them to be nice to others.  I teach them to say please and thank you.  But this isn’t a manners thing.

This is an ingrained choice we all make- will I love someone who irritates me?  Will I choose to be their friend and purposefully befriend them- not out of pity or guilt but because I choose to see what gifts they have and not what baggage they carry?   There’s no easy answer to this.

As for Amy, I found that the more I prayed for her, my prayers slowly shifted from “God change her.  Please make her less irritating!” to “God, help me find one nice thing I can say to Amy today” to “God,  change my heart toward her.  Help me like her as a person.  Help me understand her and know her hurts and her pain.”   It’s harder to hate someone when you know their hurts, their pain, their story.

I’m determined to discuss this more with my girls.  I’ve had a tendency to talk to them after situations and point out how SnottyGirl was being rude and how my girls should avoid acting like SnottyGirl.  But I don’t always focus on how they can love SnottyGirl right where she is, snotty behavior and all.

Eliza has had a sore throat for a few days, so I made this treat for her tonight.

This is also unquestionably  Kate’s most favorite Vitamix dessert.

Berry Sorbet

• Frozen Berry Blend (I use Rader Farms from Costco)
• Frozen Strawberries
• Agave Nectar or Honey (optional- drizzle a bit on top if you need it- sometimes the berries are super tart)
• 1 Tbsp cold water per cup of frozen berries

There’s no amount listed for the berries here because it really doesn’t matter- make as much as you want or as little as you want.  Tamper hard and be patient and it will go from frozen berries into a creamy, sweet blend of berry goodness.

*Note: If you don’t have a Vitamix or Blendtec type blender, I recommend using a food processor instead of a regular blender for any of the frozen treats like the banana ice cream or this sorbet.

If you have ever had an orange julius, there’s something nice about the orangey-milky combo.

This drink is my attempt to recreate it (with greens of course).

First, two notes:

1. You can use ANY greens you like in any recipe.  My recipes are just stuff we’ve tried and liked.  There’s nothing magical about it.  Just swap out spinach for collard greens or kale for spinach or toss in some broccoli (not my fave in a smoothie, but some love it!)!

2. Start small on the greens and work up if the quantity overwhelms you at first.

This smoothie is very different from some of my other ones because it is quite thick and creamy.  I’m not sure that it would appeal to everyone, but I do like it so I’m sharing it!

Green Julius

• 3 cups frozen fresh collard greens (this is definitely one where you might want to start by trying it with a cup and then slowly increase the amount- I used about a cup the first time I made it)
• 6 peeled oranges
• 1/2 tray of frozen soy/almond/whatever milk cubes
• 1 cup cold soy/almond/whatever milk
• 2 Tbsp chia seeds
• 1 capful aloe juice (very optional- I normally drink my aloe separately but have started putting it in my smoothies so the kids get some without knowing!  They won’t drink it plain but don’t know it is in their smoothies so they don’t complain.)

*Eww- I don’t normally pour any liquids in until after I photograph and that is why- kinda looks gross!

Eliza and I really like this one, but Kate thinks it has too much “texture” from the oranges- she’s not into pulp in her orange juice either.

And every morning when I take my blood pressure, I’m reminded why I drink my green smoothies.  I keep a daily chart and I love to look back- January 14th it was 135/98.  Today, it was 100/77.     In that time, I’ve added the homemade green smoothies (I had been doing commercially bought green smoothies from Bolthouse and Naked and Odwalla from January 1-17) and slowly increased my workouts.   I credit the smoothies both for the blood pressure drop and the energy to do the workouts.

I’m not a huge banana person, so it was a surprise to me how much I like this.

It makes the Vitamix ice cream SO much creamier.  Eliza loves this stuff and asks for it every day.  My mother-in-law had tears in her eyes when she ate it.  I’m not kidding!

As I typed this recipe, I realized I made an error on the other chocolate ice cream and I’ve fixed it now. I had typed 1/4 cup of cocoa powder and that should have been 2 Tbsp.  Oops!  That would be very chocolatey they other way!

Chocolate-Banana Ice Cream

• 2 Frozen bananas (very ripe)
• 1 ice cube tray of frozen milk of your choice (I use almond or soy)
• 2 Tbsp cocoa powder
• 2 Tbsp any milk (not frozen- just to make it blend more easily)

The banana makes this quite sweet.  If it is not sweet enough for you, sprinkle some ovaltine on top.  Or add ovaltine when you’re making it.

Other variations I’ve done are:

• Add 1 Tbsp decaf ground decaf coffee beans
• Add 2 Tbsp natural peanut butter (this one is divine but adds calories)
• Sprinkle crushed cashews on top.

Sorry if all of the Vitamix posts are boring!

I love frozen grapes a lot.  In a smoothie, they add a surprisingly creamy touch of sweetness.

Grape Goodness

• 3 Cups frozen fresh kale greens
• 1 1/2 cups frozen grapes
• 1 1/2 cups frozen strawberries
• 2 peeled Cara Cara oranges
• 2 Tbsp chia seeds
• 2 cups cold water

This makes a uniquely green-brown smoothie.  Don’t be turned off by that color- it is quite yummy!

Oh, I was asked if there is a rhyme or reason why I load my blender in the order that I do.  I figure if the greens are on the bottom they are most likely to get blended more thoroughly.  Of course, it isn’t like I get chunks of anything in my smoothies, so I’m not sure why I think they wouldn’t get blended as well on top.  I’m pretty sure it doesn’t matter.  The only thing I know for SURE matters is peanut butter!  If you put peanut butter in FIRST it is much easier to clean your blender than if you put peanut butter in last– it tends to leave a mess if I put it in last.

This one definitely got the kids’ seal of approval.

This week, I started freezing some for Keith to have with his lunch for an extra burst of afternoon energy.  Now that I’m doing that, I’m not sure what took me so long to start- it doesn’t take more than a few seconds to fill a bottle and put it in the freezer and he definitely needs the nutrition and energy in the middle of his workday!

Good morning!

And I do mean good morning. After an absolutely-terrible, man-that-school-up-the-road-looks-inviting, I-wonder-if-they-could-start-public-school-today-if-I-enroll-them-today kind of day yesterday, we’re back to normal.  I had a few people thank me for being honest about the difficulties of homeschooling yesterday on Facebook.

Ok, let’s get real here.  If I’ve ever made it look like all sunshine and roses… well, it is.  Wait, wait.  Hold up there!  It is?  Yes.  Sunshine = my kids. Love it, love them.  Important for a healthy life to get enough sunshine, right?  But you get too much and you get sunburned.  And yeah, of course, spending too much time together happens sometimes.  And then we need a little aloe to soothe our inflamed, raw, red skin (wine, Disney, a bike ride, something, anything to chill us out!)   And the rose part?  Well, roses have thorns.  Beautiful flowers, but they still have thorns.  Thorns like multiplication and division and yes-you-have-to-do-school-today.   Cheesy metaphor ending now.

Today’s delicious morning burst of energy came from one of my personal favorites.  It is sweet and tart and perks me up in the morning!

Kale-berry Blend

• 3 cups frozen fresh kale greens
• 2 heaping cups  frozen berry blend (I use one by >>Rader Farms<< from Costco)
• 2 peeled, whole Cara Cara oranges
• 2 Tbsp chia seeds
• 3 cups cold water

Yum!

Today felt like a Jack Skellington kind of morning, so I opted for my giant Jack mug.

Mmm.  Sometimes, when we snuggle up on the couch to watch a favorite tv show, I just need something sweet.  I can’t have dairy-based milk or ice cream (glad I finally figured out what was causing my stomach pain and eliminated that in January!) anymore.

This is my sweet treat that fills the void.

Chocolate Ice Cream

• 2 Ice Cube Trays of frozen vanilla soy milk or almond milk (or rice milk, or cow milk, or hemp milk or whatever you like- I usually do a tray each of soy/almond– I find the soy much creamier and the almond more “ice-milk” texture, so I mix the two or go all-soy)
• 1/4 c Chocolate Ovaltine powder
• 2 Tbsp cocoa powder (I prefer Ghirardelli)
• 1/4-1/2 c soy milk (from the fridge- not frozen- this helps the machine process the ice cream)

You will need to tamper heavily to make this work and it will not work well in a regular blender.   Depending on your personal sweet tooth, you may need different amounts of ovaltine or cocoa powder.

This makes a soft-serve type recipe.  I have made it without the added soymilk and it does work and it is thicker, but it is easier for me to scoop out when it is a bit thinner like soft-serve.  We prefer it this way, but try it both ways if you try it and see what you like.

This is my family’s 2nd favorite Vitamix ice cream.  I’ll post the other recipe soon, but Emily hates bananas and it has bananas in it and I posted this for her.  I find our favorite recipe creamier and richer and just plain yummier.  But I know Emily would just find it banana-er.

I love this because I really don’t feel bad if the kids eat this as dessert.  It’s a much healthier alternative to sitting down with a bowl of cookie dough ice cream or something.

Before I share this morning’s smoothie, I have to share this photo of Kate and I.  She is really into her dance and tumbling right now and we spend a good chunk of our day with her tumbling and Eliza and I rotating between the Gazelle (thanks Craigslist) and trampoline.

Her latest love is to balance on my hands, feet, or knees and do things.

So, yesterday, I dropped my camera on tile floor straight onto the lens- my 28mm 1.8 Canon lens- … if you want to experience a sickening feeling, that’s got to be it!   Thankfully the lens and camera survived, but my built-in flash is dead.  I have an external flash, so it isn’t the end of the world at all, but the thunk-clunk of camera-on-tile is not a pretty sound.

Today’s smoothie is a sweet, delicious pick-me-up to start the morning off right.  I love kale in smoothies.  It is one of those veggies that I had never purchased until I had the desire to make kale chips last year.  Now, I stock up on it regularly for smoothies.  They were out of it at Publix one day and I nearly cried.  I was digging through the bags of Glory Foods‘ greens going “No! No!  Mustard greens, collard greens, what?? Where are my kale greens?”  I truly never thought I’d see the day I was distraught over a lack of kale!  They are so convenient, as they are pre-washed and easy to toss in the freezer and use directly from the bag, for $2.99 for 16 oz.

Tropical Treat Smoothie

• 2 Tbsp Chia Seeds
• 3 oranges, peeled
• 1 1/2 c frozen pineapple
• 1 1/2 c frozen strawberries
• 3 cups frozen kale greens
• 3 cups water

Mmm.  So fruity and sweet!

It turns out a pretty pale green color similar to a green apple.